![“I have respect for all races, but I’m very glad that I was born white. As a woman, it’s the best race to be. Especially if you want to become an actress, like I do. [pause] If I wasn’t white, then the next thing I would wanna be is Asian because a lot of men like Asian girls because they think they’re docile and subservient and sweet which I don’t really think is true because I once met this Asian girl at summer camp one time and she was a real bitch. [pause] If I couldn’t be white and I also couldn’t be Asian, then my third choice would be African-American because I’ve always wanted to be a gospel singer and also, black men are more forgiving if your butt gets big. Except I’d definitely want light skin and Caucasian features like… Vanessa Williams or Halle Berry. And finally, you know, no offense or anything Randa, but my very last choice would be Arab. I mean, truth be told you’re not in a very enviable position. There’s a lot of resentment in this country toward the Middle East and there’s a lot of stereotypes floating around which I don’t think are true because in the short amount of time I’ve known you, you haven’t tried to bomb anybody and you currently smell okay to me.”
from Pretty Persuasion (movie, 2005)](http://30.media.tumblr.com/tumblr_lyc8kb5HBa1qd2c04o1_500.jpg)
“I have respect for all races, but I’m very glad that I was born white. As a woman, it’s the best race to be. Especially if you want to become an actress, like I do.
[pause]
If I wasn’t white, then the next thing I would wanna be is Asian because a lot of men like Asian girls because they think they’re docile and subservient and sweet which I don’t really think is true because I once met this Asian girl at summer camp one time and she was a real bitch.
[pause]
If I couldn’t be white and I also couldn’t be Asian, then my third choice would be African-American because I’ve always wanted to be a gospel singer and also, black men are more forgiving if your butt gets big. Except I’d definitely want light skin and Caucasian features like… Vanessa Williams or Halle Berry. And finally, you know, no offense or anything Randa, but my very last choice would be Arab. I mean, truth be told you’re not in a very enviable position. There’s a lot of resentment in this country toward the Middle East and there’s a lot of stereotypes floating around which I don’t think are true because in the short amount of time I’ve known you, you haven’t tried to bomb anybody and you currently smell okay to me.”
from Pretty Persuasion (movie, 2005)
“Okay, this has been a long day, a long week but this is the last stop … But right now, you are going to the produce section, you are going to place these items in your cart and meet me at the checkout, where we will pray my credit will be accepted. And when God in Her great glory answers our Discover Card prayers, we will go back home, go to sleep, and wake up to another in a long line of great goddamn days. Are you with me?”
from United States of Tara (tv show, 2011)
Season 3 Episode 3: The Full Fuck You Finger
“If you’re Tara I’ll be Max, but if you’re Gimmie I’ll be Gotcha. And if you’re Buck I’m your bike. If you’re Alice, I’ll be your astronaut. And I’d carry Chicken to the car even though I knew she was pretending to be asleep.”
from United States of Tara (tv show, 2010)
Season 2 Episode 12: From This Day Forward
“Yeah, I branded them. So they’d never forget what they did to me. And I wish, I wish, that I’d branded Alexander. I would have burnt Hell on his chest because that’s where I was going to send him.”
from Law and Order: Special Victims Unit (tv show, 2010)
Season 12 Episode 6: Branded
“I have no idea what hammertime is and how it differs from regular time.”
from Dexter (tv show, 2011)
Season 6 Episode 1: Those Kinds of Things
“My schedule, however, is as open as my relationship with my wife! I’ll be your wingman; even if means taking a chubby, I will suck it up.”
from Arrested Development (tv show, 2004)
Season 2 Episode 8: Queen for a Day
“Didn’t you say you wanted to piss on her tits? That’s probably best to keep between you and your internet service provider.”
from Misfits (tv show, 2009)
Season 1 Episode 1: One
Jesse: “It’s about accepting who you are.”
Walt: “And who are you?”
Jesse: “I’m the bad guy.”
from Breaking Bad (tv show, 2010)
Season 3 Episode 1: No Más
“But first things first, we gotta get more dealers; y’know, foot soldiers, right? Now they’ll be working for you, you’re working for me, and they’re working for you. You follow me? Layered. Like nachos.”
from Breaking Bad (tv show, 2009)
Season 2 Episode 7: Negro y Azul
Elwood: “It’s 106 miles to Chicago, we got a full tank of gas, half a pack of cigarettes, it’s dark… and we’re wearing sunglasses.”
Jake: “Hit it.”
from The Blues Brothers (movie, 1980)
“No. And they won’t say nowt about your personality neither. Which is good ‘cause you’re basically a bastard. Bollocks to your personality - this is what they’re looking at, right? And I’ll tell you summat, mate. Anti-wrinkle cream there may be, but anti-fat-bastard cream there is none.”
from The Full Monty (movie, 1997)
“Kidney stones! It hurts when I piss, it hurts when I shit, oh! I’m just a fat old fart with nothing to live for anymore! I’m going to hang myself, as soon as I’m sober.”
from The Man in the Iron Mask (movie, 1998)
![“I once brought a jackass and a honeycomb into a brothel…”
from Game of Thrones (tv, 2011)
[Tyrion Lannister, pictured, was asked to confess his sins.]](http://28.media.tumblr.com/tumblr_lsvd45MufY1qd2c04o1_500.jpg)
“I once brought a jackass and a honeycomb into a brothel…”
from Game of Thrones (tv, 2011)
[Tyrion Lannister, pictured, was asked to confess his sins.]
Ben: “I’ve heard a lot worse.”
Tate: “Cool, can you tell me some? I love stories.”
from American Horror Story (tv, 2011)
